Wednesday, August 20, 2014

What I Wish I Would Have Told Him... And Am Now Telling Her

**I wrote the following post last year to my nephew who was 13 at the time. Instead of updating or reposting I thought I would add to it and link to the old one if you'd like to read the rest.

 Because, now, I have a 13 year old daughter. Pray for me?

What I Wish I Would Have Told Him (first published 9/12)

Job 28:13 "Man does not comprehend it's worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living."
The Devil pulls no punches, when a battle of the mind is taking place,  he arrives early to the ring, he feels out his opponent, and zeroes in on their weakness to make it easier to deliver that final blow.

His lips salivate when he sees self-doubt and insecurities.

He knows he can deliver a punch to the heart that will make you feel unloved.

And the mind, it's next.

He will tell you lies; "No one likes you," "Oh my gosh, why did you say that? Now they think you are stupid!" "You're a LOSER," "It doesn't matter what you say or do, you'll never be good enough."

He's there to win and he will play dirty if that's what it takes to destroy you.

All he has to do is make you believe, believe just one, and he knows you're his. You will fall because he will beat you with his lies.

"Does anyone love me? Because everything i post gets no attention but everyone else's get lots of likes and comments."
This is was my 13 yr old nephew's status update on Facebook last week.

And I cried, y'all! Maybe I was just having an overly emotional day, but I sat there speechless staring at the screen with my heart in my throat, thinking how in the world could this child wonder if he's loved based on Facebook likes?

How at 13, and how at 33 can we buy into this lie? That we need others approval in order to feel worthy or seen?

You can read the rest of this post here


I remembered writing the above post about my nephew, but realized I now needed to update it for my daughter (whom is now 13). It's not only a good reminder to them, but to me.

My worth doesn't come from anything I do or don't do, but from God alone. And that's enough. Regardless of what anyone says.

 Maybe you've heard of a little thing called Instagram?

Instagram is ALL THE RAGE with the young kids today. No longer on Facebook and definitely not on Twitter. They post pics and ask people to rate them, or give them a certain number of likes for a "shout out" and many more things that I just don't understand nor really want to.

But I now have a teenager, who bases her value on the number "likes" she gets on her pictures. I follow her because it's the rules for her to be on social media,but don't interact... usually (Unless I'm hacking her account to post how AMAZING her mom is :))

After scrolling through my feed once she said, "You just need to get off Instagram, no one likes your pictures."

(I thought she meant I took bad pictures and needed to save myself the embarrassment...and was OFFENDED.) She went on to say I needed to delete them.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because no one is liking them!"

I stared at her for a long time to see if she was kidding or I misunderstood. Neither was the case. So, I asked, "What do you mean? Do you delete your pics if they don't get a certain number of likes? 

She laughed like I was crazy for not realizing this and not doing it too. She said it's embarrassing to put a pic out there and not have anyone like it. So it will immediately get deleted if that happens. 


"Do you really delete if you don't get a bunch of likes? How many likes do you have to have in order to NOT delete?"

She laughed and said, "Oh, at least 16!"


I said, "Well, I don't really post for the likes, I post if I have a pic I really like and something I want to say with it."

She rolled her 13yr old eyes "No, you post to get likes, you need to take these pics down NOW."

(Well, I was not going to be bullied around by a 13 years old. So I said a quick help me Jesus and proceeded to calmly ask her what in sam hill she was talking about.)

I leaned in and said, "Keeli you do know that just because you may only get one or two likes on a pic it doesn't mean you're not pretty or worthy enough, right?"

I got the typical whatever response. But I'm hoping something I said hit it's mark..her heart.

A few days later she had a friend over and she was scrolling, trolling through my account and brought it up again. I asked her friend if she did the same thing. Wondering if this was just a Keeli thing (cause sometimes my precocious daughter can come up with some crazy ideas on her own).

She just laughed and said she did the same thing, everyone does!!


Lately I may post something on FB, Twitter, or Instagram and completely forget about it. You see, God's been working on my heart on this. When I first started out I needed validation that this is what God wanted me to do. And that came in the form of comments or likes.

As I've grown online and inward I know I have to do what God's called me to do regardless if anyone else gets it or not.

And if that means no comments, I move on to the next post. I know I wrote what I needed to.

If I decide to update my status on social media it's to build relationships and meet others. Likes are nice but not my end goal anymore.(To be totally totally honest, this is a work in progress)

(See? I've come a long way in 3 years...or has it been 4?)

What I didn't tell my nephew but am telling Keeli (and myself)is this :
  • You are more than "likes," "comments," and "shares."
  • You are beautiful inside and out
  • Outgoing, confident, and smart doesn't = bossy or a know it all
  • The mean girls are mean because they know There's Something Different about you!
  • Even though it feels like it now, other people's words and opinions are just that. They don't define you.
  • Find God, seek Him. Let Him tell you the truth about who you are. 
  • You are more you are more you are more. Wash and repeat
  • And,You are SO LOVED.
Tell me, do you struggle with this too?

Linking up with: Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood, #TellHisStory, Imperfect Prose, Winsome Wed, and Holley Gerth


  1. 'Does anyone love me? Because everything i post gets no attention but everyone else's get lots of likes and comments.'

    Wow, Alecia. You hit it home. Because if we're being honest, this is something most of us have to face. Square on.

    You might have been writing to your kids, Alecia. But you're also writing to us. Thanks for putting this on the table.

    1. Oh yes, I wrote this to my girl, but for us It's easy to get caught up in focusing on the wrong things without meaning too. I'm just as guilty.

  2. This is such a powerful message, Alecia. As Linda said, it really hits home. So good. xoxo

    1. Thank you,Beth! :) So excited for you on your upcoming reunion with your hunny!!

  3. So. Good!!! Social media is difficult for all of us to balance. I can't imagine adding it to my list of sources of insecurity when I was a teenager. Your daughter is blessed to have a mama who sees what she's struggling with and is willing to tell her as many times as necessary that she is worth so much more, because she is! So glad I visited today from SDG!

    1. Hi Kelly! I know, right? I can't imagine living online the way today's kids do. Thank goodness, that wasn't the case when I was a teenager, whew! I'm so thankful you visited as well.

  4. Wow, this was a learning post for me! I had no idea and much like you I'm a work in the please process. I do however, proceed regardless of like and comments. Because Jesus was rejected we can expect more of the same.

    1. YES! I love that, "Jesus was rejected we can expect more of the same." I've never thought about it like that. Thank you for that bit of insight.

  5. Such a great post, my friend!! So much truth here. Your daughter is so blessed to have you! Love you :)

  6. Alecia my daughter is 8 and I cried the other day because she isn't a little girl anymore. Well, she is, but you get it. This post gave me a lot of food for thought and I thank you so so so much for that. As a blogger. As a mom. As a once-teenage-girl I needed to read this.

  7. It's so sad the 'pressure' our kids are under! It also places so much pressure on US who are not tech savy to keep up with what they are keeping up with? And is this shaping them in ways we are not even aware? SCARY!!!! You are a great mom, way to keep up!

  8. Alecia,

    Wow, I knew that teens checked "likes" etc but did not know to what extent their worth was wrapped up in it. Thanks for sharing this story. It gives me greater insight into my youth group kids.

    Re your comment on my post "The First Time I Ever Prayed THAT Before a Vacation," wow, you've just moved too? Whew, such a lot of work, isn't it? Was your move nearby or further away from your current home? Are you feeling more settled yet?

    Ours is a nearby move, scheduled to close this next week and the move that week too.

    Blessings to you,
    Jennifer Dougan

  9. I want to say "teenagers are so insecure" but I am too at times. Sigh. Not ready for my girls to be teens!


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