Wednesday, May 14, 2014

It's A Co-Op (Part 3)

I have a 13 yr. old daughter and this year of school has been a tough one. New attitudes, new beliefs,new friends, new everything…she’s growing up. (Aren't you glad you aren't in junior high? )

One day after school she came home and she said, “I would rather be friends with boys than girls. Girls are so much drama and too much trouble.” I laughingly agreed. And I remembered thinking the very same thing when I was her age and most of my life until I became married and needed other women to relate to with when it came to motherhood and marriage.

For the first time in my life I realized I needed other women.

Comparison, jealousy, insecurity are wedges that have always drive women and their friendships apart. Sure, it’d be easier to live life alone rather than deal with the messiness of it, but that’s not how God created us.

(Oh, how I wish it were though sometimes (hey, I'm being honest ;))

I like how Lisa Jo Baker says, "It's not a competition, it's a co-op."

It really puts how we should view relationships with other women into perspective.

Comparison is like poison to our souls. It takes away from who we are and what we have because we will feel like what we have and who we are, are never enough.

I’ll never be as successful as she is so why should I try?

I’ll never be as skinny and fit as she is so why bother working out?

Why is she so lucky? Why is she so pretty? Look at her hair, I wish mine were that curly, straight, thick, long...

Sound familiar?

Maybe that’s why it was always easier for me to get along with boys, I didn't compare myself with them so I was freely able to give my friendship and be myself.

But God.

He got a hold of my heart when I read "A Confident Heart," by Renee Swope. In the book she says:

“Comparison leaves us insecure, confused, and discontent…We compare how we feel inadequate on the inside with someone who looks like they have it all together on the outside. Then we try to polish our outsides, hoping that will make us feel better on the inside, but it never does…God never intended us to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another, celebrating and encouraging each other’s strengths while discovering who He created us to be.”

Reading this was like my soul took a big deep refreshing breath of fresh air. For once in my life, I felt like I was reading truth about the lie of comparison that has kept me in bondage for so long.

It really was OK for me to be ME, warts and all!!

God was trying to set me free from the trap I had put myself in.

But it’s not a web that is easily shaken off.

Even though it’s been a couple of years since I've read those words by Renee, I still struggle and have to realign my perspective to remind myself that I am good enough the way I am and that God has good plans for my life too.

My life, my struggles, my victories are mine and yours are yours.  Our paths may be different but in the end we are all working for one team, God’s.

I believe there is no better joy than knowing that the plan for your life is different and good from everyone else’s and being  ok with it.

One of my deepest desires is to truly love and embrace other women and see them as my sisters and not my competition. 

When we can learn to embrace and love who God made us to be, then we are set free to love and cheer on others in their race… and mean it.

And the best part about life? We GET to do it together!

Your turn!! How do you deal with comparison? Read the first two in the series ===> Post 1 and Post 2

Linking with Soli deo Gloria, #TellHisStory, Three Word WedWinsome Wed, Imperfect Prose, Thought-Provoking Thurs


  1. First.... Happy Birthday, Alecia!!! I wish you a glorious day of celebrating! I love this comparison series you are doing. I could all too well relate to EVERYTHING you shared here. And, loved Renee's book. It's been a about two years since I read and really should read again. The comparison trap still trips me up but I'm thankful for how God is working in me in this area. It is so much more fun to do life together instead of comparing ourselves to each other. Great post!! I hope a day comes soon when we can meet in real life. :)

  2. THANK YOU, Beth!! I love being 25...forever! :)

    It's been a couple years since I've read her book as well, and I still go back to it and re-read. I highlighted nearly the ENTIRE book! :) Oh, girl, I would absolutely LOVE to meet you and give you a hug inrl!!

  3. comparison is such a beast isn't it?! It kept me in hiding for a long time. "Who am I, compared to them?" So glad to be stepping out of that and to see that you are stepping out of it as well. Stopping by from Emily's place, but really I just need to add you to my blog list. =)

    1. Why, thank you Karmen! I'll be sure to check out your blog as well. Here's to defeating the beast of comparison once and for all! :)

  4. Love this!! So grateful for your friendship & look forward to meeting you in (RL) one day!! HUGS ♥

  5. First off...Happy Birthday, my sweet friend! Hope this year brings you many new blessings!! You are such a gift in my life, and I thank God so much that He brought us together!! And second...such a beautiful post and such true words. Wish I knew these things when I was a are such a beautiful mama!! Your daughter is so lucky to have you!! xoxo

  6. I was nodding my head and smiling when I began to read your daughters words because I have found in my whole life, boys are easier to be friends with than girls. Even in this stage of my life, I find women…..difficult. But God has blessed me with a couple of good, grace filled women who can be everything that "boys" cannot, and I'm grateful for them. Blessings to your daughter in this stage of her life! Coming over from #imperfectprose.

  7. Comparison is something that I've been working on my entire life. As a woman in ministry I wish I could say I don't compare myself to others, but I do -- other singers, other painters, other women in general. I have to continually go to the Word of God and remind myself of what He says about me. I'm still a work in progress. I need to read Renee's book. I've had it in my Kindle forever.

  8. Sounds like your junior high beauty is a wise, wise woman, Alecia!

    And the whole comparison thing is huge ... dare I say it ... in this online home we spend our time in? It's subtle, but it's there. Just like the enemy to try to destroy something that has the potential to be so life-giving.

    Thanks for these words. Powerful.

  9. I love the quote you share from Renee's book ...."He wants us to complete one another." How very true. If we are constantly falling into the trap of comparing ourselves with others, we will leave ourselves incomplete. It is as we enter freely into relationship with others, we are able to receive from one another & be completed. Sounds like a wonderful book! I am glad I visited from Tell His Story. Blessings!


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