Thursday, April 18, 2013

Mean Girls & Their Mamas

'Mean Girls' photo (c) 2009, Leslie Sanchez - license:

I'm not even sure where to begin this post, but it's something that's been on my heart for a while.

Mean Girls

Where do girls in school learn it's OK to snub, and be mean? Where do they get the notion that it's OK to diminish another for their own social good?

I hate to say it momma's but I'm afraid it may be us.

We may not overtly do it in the manner of school kids but it's more discreet. And it's still there.

Our kids pick up their cues from us, I'm not saying all of them, but the big ones..those are us.

Do they see us staying within our circle and never reaching out?

Do they see us snub the new girl within our own groups, by not being friendly or hospitable?

Do we give freely to those in need or grumble and complain about holding on to what's ours?

Do they see us smile and carry on conversation with someone just to turn around and start sneering about them once their back is turned?

Are our own identities wrapped up in who we know, who our friends are, what we wear, what we drive?

I think it may be time to do a heart check and be very careful about our words and attitudes around our young ones. We know gossiping is wrong, but we still do it anyways. Are we really shocked when we hear our girls come home ripping apart someone else because of something they did or said?

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking -Romans 12:2 ( The Message)
No one has it all together and we have no right to place judgments on another's life.

As a mom, and especially as a Christian we should be the first to offer grace, love, acceptance, and forgiveness. Because we know the cost that Christ paid for our own love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

"...Replacing judgement with grace can turn the world into a kinder, gentler place to live. It will turn churches into safe places for relationships to be nurtured  It will make moms groups enjoyable places to find friendships." (Jill Savage, No More Perfect Moms)

We haven't been changed by Christ to go back to our old ways. We are to be salt and light to a dark world. And that means embracing the new us, and letting go of old habits and ways that led us to the cross in the first place.

And please momma's,watch your tongue.

Our words have the power to build someone up or tear them down. And aren't most us already fighting the battle of the mind as it is?

The more talk, the less truth. The wise measure their words.Proverbs 10:19

It breaks my heart to hear about young children committing suicide over bullying. Bullying stems from insecurity. Affirm your kids. Tell them they are loved. Model the behavior you want to see in them.

When you mess up, apologize and make them do the same, hold them accountable.  Our words hurt. Hurtful words never leave us.

It starts with you.

Insecure mama's can raise some big `ol  insecure kids. We're not in high school anymore mom. The ways of social acceptance may have worked back then. But now, and especially if you're a christian, those ways don't work. And you shouldn't want them to.

When we give others the silent treatment because they've hurt us or that has been miscommunication, guess whose watching? And is going to treat her friends the same way?

When we complain about so and so behind their back to other friends or worse complain about their kids in front of yours. Guess whose going to do the same thing? Little Janie.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18
You have the right to choose to be different. It's not easy, but think how relationships could be changed if we were the one to extend the hand of grace first? If we said "No more" to gossip and the relationships that pull us down.

Let's grow into who God made us to be.

Be comfortable in your own skin... confident.

Insecurity comes from not knowing whose you are.

It's not enough to have "good" kids we need godly kids. Kids that can stand on their own. That can make decisions without mom or dad. That know right from wrong and are strong enough in those convictions to stand by when everyone else is living to fit in, and bringing them down.

Together we can raise our kids to do big things for the kingdom of God and live for Him and not this world. Things need to change and it starts at home. With you and me.

Linking with:: The Better Mom, Soli Deo Gloria, Imperfect Prose, #TellHisStory, Winsome Wed, Thought Provoking Thurs,Life in BloomFaith Filled Fri, Fellowship Fri, Studio JRU

**Renee Swope has an amazing book called The Confident Heart, this book has helped thousands learn to accept the unique person God created them to be. God doesn't expect perfection, He knows how much we mess up each day, He just wants us to keep getting back up and turning to Him when we do.

Posts delivered to your inbox?

Delivered by FeedBurner


  1. Oh great post my friend...convicting too! Kids can be so mean these days...and as a mama it hurts my heart...but I hadn't considered that it may be coming from our actions! Teach our kids compassion and kindness!!

    1. Yes-Compassion and kindness! I don't think there is anything that brings out the mama bear in all of us more than when someone hurts our child!

  2. What a great article! Evidence of transformed lives are the fruit. If the fruit is rotten so is the tree! We are so often so busy examining somebody else's walk, that we ignore our own fruit. We all need to examine ourselves, our own walk and if we are not showing the fruit of a transformed life, we need to repent and turn back to God (the Hebrew term for this is called Teshuvah).

    1. Thanks Trish, you're so right we each need to look at ourselves and stop worrying about what others are doing, or not doing.

  3. Beautifully written, Alecia, and so true. It starts with us. Wonderful message.

  4. Wow, friend, you NAILED it. And now I'm just sitting here trying to absorb the conviction brewing somewhere down there in my gut! I agree fully- our girls watch and learn and follow. Oh, how I long for them to follow a mama of grace. Thanks for the brave words here today.

    1. I gotta say as I reread I had a lot of conviction too. Watching our words is one of the hardest things to do, yet SO important. Thanks for your visit, Alicia

  5. Hi Alecia,

    I'm curious what prompted this post, but I can imagine. Watching our kids, or hearing friends around me share stories of not feeling included or worse reminds me of how far we as women have to go, huh? So often people's actions have less to do with malice, I've seen, then with insecurity, you're right. May we all learn the wonder that we are Masterpieces created by an Artist God. I whisper that to my kids, to the teens in my youth group, to myself when I need reminders, and to the women around me. You too are a Masterpiece, Alicia. Thanks for letting me peek in tonight.

    Jennifer Dougan

    1. I'm sure you can imagine :) Hearing my own daughter come home with stories and listening to other women talk, and having friends that have had hard situations like this all prompted this post. It's been welling for awhile. It's a good reminder that we are all masterpieces, and in this together not against one another. Thank you for speaking blessings into me!

  6. I need this today - for at home! I got a new hair cut which my husband hates, and he won't stop nagging me about it. I need godly wisdom to guard my tongue from the replies I feel like making!

    1. Oh my, I have definitely had "those" moments!! You are not alone :)

  7. Coming from Studio JRU - My sweet tweener is dealing with this right now...and yes, it comes from parents, harder when it is Christian parents and people one has known for a long, long time - middle school is hard, even in the homeschool circles!...whether on purpose or through uninvolvement...I use the situation to encourage and teach those places in Scripture that especially deal with relationships...


  8. So true...they so often do as we do and not as we say. I see already that my two-year-olds learn so much of their behavior from watching and learning. Thank you for sharing this important reminder.

  9. Yes, insecurity is something that is very easily transmitted.

  10. Such a pointed, and wise reminder, friend! Thanks for the wake-up call!

  11. I have learned the hard way that insecurity can be handed down. I wasn't the one passing out the critisms and snubbing though - I was the one accepting it as truth and being ashamed. And now, my daughter does the same. She won't speak in public and completely withdraws when someone approaches her. It's awful but we have finally realized that the change starts with me. It's a tough road.

  12. "our words have the power to build someone up or tear them down." exactly! what a wonderful and powerful post, alecia! loved it! :)

  13. wow! I have this on my mind.........makes me so sad, I'm working on a post that engages in the same topic that happened with my son. It broke my heart.


Your Turn...


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
var refTagger = { settings: { bibleVersion: "NASB" } }; (function(d, t) { var g = d.createElement(t), s = d.getElementsByTagName(t)[0]; g.src = "//"; s.parentNode.insertBefore(g, s); }(document, "script"));