Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The Monster Inside

I do what I don't want, there is the constant battle inside between good and evil. I hide it away and try to kill it each day, but still, sometimes it comes out to play

I do not understand what I do, for what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good, because it is the sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, is my sinful nature.
 For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law;
My self, it always leaves me feeling angry and full of regrets for what was said or done. How do you kill something that just won't die?

You do it over and over again.

Let the quiet voice of truth get louder.

The flesh and spirit constantly battle it out.
but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. Romans 7:15-23
We each have a monster inside us. And it's a continuous dying, each day. You accepted Christ, now prepare to die each day.

But don't worry this death will bring peace.

I used to feel like because I had accepted Christ but wasn't what I thought I should be at the moment I was failing Christ. No one told me that it's a process, a journey. I mistakenly thought that at the moment of acceptance I was going to be new in every way; the way I thought, acted, talked, felt and when that wasn't the case I doubted I was saved, and then I just got tired of feeling like I was constantly not living up to Christ's standards, so I stopped trying.

I wish someone would have said you are not automatically going to be a new person and think differently, talk differently, act differently, that you have to go through each day making a conscious decision to trust and follow. And all the ugliness that comes after giving your life to Christ- is the uprooting process; the cleaning house.

It's only been in the last few years that I've had the Oh I Got It Now moment.

The ones that act like they have arrived, only do so because they are afraid for others to see where they fall short. But in being vulnerable we allow others room to breath and feel like God's table has room enough for us all.

The monster must die daily, and he lives inside us all. It's a journey, I get that now. The day I finally arrive will be when I open my eyes in heaven.

"Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:25

This is a music video from one of my(and my family's) FAVORITE Christian Rock groups, Skillet singing "Monster" (my son loves the part at the end where he says "I feel like a monster" in the monster voice, cracks me up every time I hear my boy singing it ) If you are viewing this in your email click here to see video

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  1. I, much like you, had to realize that this dying is a process. And I also had to realize that these are monsters that I was not designed to slay myself. It is His Word, His strength, and His courage that fights right along side me.

    1. So thankful that we don't have to face them alone! I depend on God's strength daily to help slay the monsters otherwise they would just take over.

  2. Read and journaled about this passage with She Reads Truth the other day! Thanks so much for your kind comment on my post about creating.

    1. You had a beautiful post on creating! Thanks for stopping in over here. I wonder if I can get She Reads Truth through my bible app??? have to check...

  3. ... And now the monster dies a slow death in me :-) It's a process. I'm so glad that I read here!

  4. :) I'm glad you do too! Thankful for you.

  5. Yes... this... "Let the quiet voice of truth get louder."

    1. thank you for stopping over Jenn! It's always good to see your name pop up:)

  6. Hi Alecia
    You cannot kill someone who don't want to die, dear one. When you are living in Him, really and truly in Him, then you are dead for He has separated your spirit from your soul and your spirit lives in Him. I know this sounds difficult, but He does the work. Just ask Him to! The secret lies in the abiding in Him moment by moment. Yes, we do at times jump right back into the flesh, but then we just return to Him. I hope this helps a bit. Hang in there, girl, it is only as we are so aware of our faults that we can be sure He is working in us.
    Hugs to you

    1. Thank you, I agree the faults remind of us how far we've come in Christ.

  7. I struggle with the same thing. I am just glad that I have a loving and patient Savior who loves me in spite of all my many flaws and allows me to try and try again :)

  8. So hard to die every single day but oh, so worth it.

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