Thursday, August 16, 2012

Growing Pains

June 29, 2012

Today I watched half my heart walk away. All packed up and loaded to go, they hugged and kissed me goodbye, and without a second glance back climbed into their grandparent's truck and left. They were off to discover nature and all it's beauty. The lake, trees, and life without cable. My babies went camping.

Without me.

I pulled away in my borrowed old red Jimmy that my father in law loaned me while we were visiting since I didn't have my car. This way I wasn't stranded here or there. I could get where I wanted or didn't want.

I pulled away with two empty spaces in the car where two wildly alive beings used to be. In my head I knew I needed the break, and a sigh of relief quietly slipped out, but my heart was screaming, "what are you doing, this isn't right, they need to be with you!," I was pulling out of the drive turning one way while they turned the other and there was no going back.

Not that they wanted to, they were excited for their new adventure, I was the one that was suddenly grief stricken.


I was also the one that pleaded for a break for months, living so far from family (more than 800 miles) made grandparent sitting a little difficult. But now that it was happening I was unsure. They were going to be gone for days, one longer than the other, and I had gotten so used to them being up under foot that I didn't know how to be without them.

It's a strange thing these feelings. Once you get what you have been waiting for you don't know what to do with it, and almost don't want it.

Does that make sense to you?

Today I drove these same babies to school. Not so much babies anymore you see, they are going into the sixth and second grade.

You really don't understand the phrase "Time flies" until you have kids, this I know.

They've been my shadow for the past two and half months, and now they will spend their days at school being with friends, learning, and growing up even more.

The house is quiet and I almost don't know what to do with it. Soon, writing will get back into it's rhythm, it's refusing to be put off much longer. I will relent to it soon, this I know too.

So, I'm adjusting to a new routine of school once again. It happens every year I can't wait for another school year to usher in routine and activities, but at the start I mourn the loss having my babies home to play and keep me company {and drive me nuts}.

 But they come home sharing what they've learned with great excitement and joy and are overflowing with stories of new friends made and things teachers said...and they did return safe and sound from camping so I trust that God will return them to me at the end of each school day as well.

How bout you? Any new changes happening around your life that you are having to adjust to? Hopefully you are better with change than I am! :o)

****Life is changing around here, soon I will share, it's just not time yet. We are in a holding pattern in our personal lives and when God says wait, you wait, there's not much else you can do. Will you pray for us? Thanks.*****

Much love,

Linking up again for the first time since June!! with:: Life in Bloom, Thought Provoking Thursdays

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  1. I know exactly how you feel. I often long for some mommy time, and a break, then I get it and don't really want it at all.
    I found you on Thought Provoking Thursday link up. :)

  2. Hi Heather, nice to "meet" you :) Glad you stopped by! It's a crazy thing isn't it?

  3. Alecia, this is so good. I can relate exactly to how you feel. I don't know what to do with myself when I have time all to myself, but when I'm not alone I wish like crazy that I was. I am VERY slowly learning to enjoy my alone time because it is a rarity. Praying for your family, friend! :)

    1. lol! Our children can evoke all kinds of crazy feelings in us :) Thank you for your prayers they are deeply appreciated.

  4. Replies
    1. Thank you Denise, you know you are in mine as well.

  5. What a beautiful and vulnerable post, Alecia. "It's a strange thing these feelings. Once you get what you have been waiting for you don't know what to do with it, and almost don't want it." This feeling totally makes sense to me--that's why I am so grateful for a good God who tells us to "wait" sometimes, like you said. I don't want to move forward until He has completely prepared me for whatever is coming!!! I'm praying for you as you adjust--I know I will be in a similar place very soon! I'm so glad you stopped by my blog this weekend and that I read this post of yours. :) Thank you.


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