Monday, October 24, 2011

Am I Enough?

Some days I think I'm doing a great job. Everything is going great, kids are getting along, staying busy, husband seems content. But other days, more days than I like to admit, I feel downright defeated. Not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, fit enough. I struggle to find my worth. Lies. I've believed them for so long that they have become apart of me. Who I am. I'm not sure when I started to let them define me, but without enough affirming words to counteract them that's what they ended up doing. People pleasing, though I hate to think of myself like that, that's what I am. I've always made up excuses for it, tried to sympathize with other people's feelings, but to an extent of getting lost myself. If that makes any sense. Always worrying what other people are thinking or saying about me. And getting so overwhelmed with it, that I end up just retreating. Withdrawing from the ones that God put into my life. Scared of what they think and their judgements. Scared that they will confirm what I think about myself already.

I'm reading this book called "A Confident Heart" and I have realized these thoughts aka lies, are straight from satan himself. Boy has he had a field day with my emotions. I am trying to focus on what God says about me, like "I am beautifully and wonderfully made" Ps 139:14 and that I can take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ (2Cor10:5). Bc God's word is the truth, he cannot lie. If it doesn't hold up to what God says about me then it is a lie!!

~sigh~ truth, real truth about who I am and who God says I am. Now that's something to dwell on.

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