Monday, May 13, 2019

Navigating the middle seasons of life

I wrote this post on my Notes on my iPhone, over Easter weekend. I never got around writing it here until now.

I've been in a season of deep healing. Really working out and understanding what and why God brought me to Isaiah 61 four years ago. He was trying to tell me then He wanted to heal my soul- wounds and set me free. I didn't understand what He meant, until now. It took some more time and pain to realize what He meant.

Up until now, I've been in the middle.

The middle is where I've always felt I've lived my life-I'm the middle child, I always find myself neither hot or cold, neither left nor right, but somewhere in-between.

And that is where the words for Saturday, the day in between Good Friday and Easter Sunday came from.

I sat praying and realized how many "Saturdays" I've had in my life.

Days of waiting.

Uncertainty.

Wondering what would happen.

How did I get to this point? Can I be saved? Be healed? How will life go on?

The middle-Saturday- is confusing and feels never ending. It is riddled with uncertainty, fear and confusion.

This is the in-between. All we can do is wait. We pray. We praise. We hope. We wait some more.

(Waiting is excruciating to me.)

We are caught in what was and what will be.

So here I sit on this Saturday, wondering where God is. Does he see my fears about the future?

How long Lord? I wonder.

Why does it have to be this way?

Even Jesus on the cross cried, "Father, why have you forsaken me?"

And yet, I whisper still as I wipe away tears, "Not my will, but Yours be done." I surrender all. There is no other choice.

Mine for His. Because He's always promised to work ALL things out for my/our good.

We can't see how.

But somehow He does.

Sunday comes and it all makes sense.

"I will rise again," says Matthew 27:62

All the waiting. Pain. Tears.

He was working. He knew what you and I  were going through and what we would need to carry on our journey and finish well.

 It is finished, indeed.


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