Everyone has a story. We may not to tell it because we worry what others will think. But our past is what has made us who we are today.
My past includes ugliness that I'd rather forget and pretend didn't happen.
I like to imagine I was always saved and a -good girl.
If you ask anyone from my youth they would say I was good-and on the outside I was. I was all polished up with walls as the high Berlin Wall.
On the inside were all my insecurities, fears, and doubts. They made me do and say things I'm not proud of.
I was never a rebel in that I snuck out or did drugs. But there were other ways.
I rebelled against what I knew was right and good. For a long time I ignored God and his nudgings because I just wanted to fit in with everyone else.
I knew somewhere deep inside, unconsciously, that following God meant that I was going to have to change-be different.
Being different from the world takes courage, and courage was definitely something I did not possess at 16,17 years old.
So many things happened in the in-between.
From the start of the nudgings to the final lay down of my heart at 23 I had lived life my way and held God at at an arm's length away.
So now here I am at 34, realizing and believing that God has dreams and plans for my life and I'm blown away because for so long I told Him "no."
But He doesn't care.
He still wants to use me!
One thing that I know without a doubt, is that we don't have to have it all together, our past can be messy and yucky, our life, now, doesn't have to be perfect or semi-perfect, and we don't have to be good enough to be used by God-we just have to be willing.
God uses the willing.
My backstory isn't want I wish it were. But you know what, I wouldn't change a thing. I am who I am today because of it.
Today, I'm one determined person that wants everyone to know that if God can use fear-stricken, anxiety ridden, insecure me, then He can use you too!
God's love and truth finally set me free.And He wants to do the same for you.
So tell me, what's your backstory? I want to hear.
***Holley Gerth has a new book coming out today!!! It's a book that speaks to those no-good-hard-I want-to-give-up and quit days. "You're Going To Be Okay"
Soli deo Gloria, Winsome Wed, Three Word Wed, #TellHisStory
Photo source: Shelly Prevost