Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Just Enough Brave


Life has a way of creeping up on us and sometimes overwhelming us before we know it. Life, circumstances, people they don't always go the way we plan.

I apologize if this place has been a little dark and gloomy lately it's not what I it to be. 
I want it to be real and authentic but sometimes it can be a little too much so.

I read a verse this morning from YouVersion app and it completely described how I feel right now.

Matthew 5:3 "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule."
In every situation when we get out of the way and let God do His thing we give ourselves margin, we give others margin, room, to have faults. 

God will meet us where we are every time. Starting a new job last month was terrifying. It was more than I expected. I was overwhelmed by the number of things that I needed to know but didn't. By the number of calls I was getting on a daily basis and people wanting answers that I just didn't have. Being on the phone for 8 hrs a day with two 15 min breaks and a 30 min break for lunch put me at a level of high alert sweaty fear.

I depended heavily on my fearless verses and my husband reminding me each day that I wouldn't die, it was going to be ok. I believe the devil smelled my weakness from a mile away and planned a perfect attack every single blessed morning. 

But you know what? God saw me too. And He gave me just enough brave for each day. My husband was right I didn't die from the calls, snarkiness, yelling, and yes the occasional cussing me out for something I had nothing to do with. In fact I grew more resolved not to quit and see this job to it's end.

He gave me courage for each day, right when I needed it. Each day I have grown more confident in my ability and through it all my attitude has stayed positive (mostly). My attitude has helped the most and has been the most helpful in putting out the daily fires. 

Cause, really, it's hard to yell at someone when they are being empathetic and agreeing with you, even if it is to keep from getting yelled at :)

This situation has shown me that I can do hard things, and it won't kill me. God really will give me just enough brave for the step I'm on, I have no reason to be afraid. None, at all!

Sometimes we make up theses imaginary scenarios in our heads of how things are going to go, and we just know things aren't going to go well or we are going to end up looking like idiots.

That fear keeps us from doing the hard things that we need to do in order to make progress. When we push forward even with fear nipping at our heels we are letting it know that it's not the boss of us. We may always be afraid and always feel the fear, it's like a little trusty  travel companion, though unwelcome, it reminds us that we are on the right path. We are never more like mighty warriors when we don't give in to it and keep going.

Fear and anxiety may be my constant companions, but I don't have to let it define me anymore. I don't have to let it rule my life and decisions. And you don't either.

While this job may be coming to an end this week, I'm thankful to have had it for so many reasons. It pushed me beyond my comfort zone, I brushed up on my customer service skills, and it paid for our Christmas bills (big YAY!!), plus all of the funny stories that I get to tell about the cra cra people out there! Good stuff.

I hope to be back writing more regularly after the holidays I have a ton of posts in my head that are screaming to get out all at once.

What about you? What hard things have you done lately or are about to do? You can do hard things too, friends ( I think that need to be on a t shirt, what do you think?).

If you have prayer requests please leave them in the comments if you feel comfortable or drop me an email. I'd be honored to pray with you through your hard times.







Friday, November 8, 2013

Truth-FMF

Five Minute Friday

Truth-
Truth is that I started working full time this week at a job that seemed perfect....and I hate it! And I feel guilty. Guilty because I've prayed and cried out to God for work and he answered. And now all I want to do is quit. (Which I am, bc I have to go home for Thanksgiving and need off, but being new I have no vacay or personal days stored up. I will give my two weeks notice today and resume job hunting after the holidays (pray for me?) )

I hate that I should love and appreciate it because I get to work from home while the kids are at school, but I don't. I feel ungrateful and discontent. Others would give anything for a job like this, so why can't I be happy?

Truth is right now I'm still in a place of figuring out my place. I've been in our new home for a year now and it still does not feel like home. I'm wondering when this grey cloud is finally going to lift and I will feel like me again.

Someone that likes her life, makes the most of bad situations, tries to find the good in everyone and everything.

I still had some posts left in my Fearless series, but I haven't had a moment to really sit with my thoughts and write since this time last Friday. So the series is hanging on day 22 right now. It may stay there...end there.

I got further than I thought I would so I'm proud of that.

This is the truth of my life right now. It's different than I thought it would be. I'm not really liking it.

Thankfully God holds the hand of the needy, and I'm so very needy right now.

And I'm thankful for new friends, online friends, and far away real life friends, and family that are praying for me and encouraging me.

I have so much to be thankful for.

Friday, November 1, 2013

FMF-Grace (Day 22)

Five Minute Friday Grace...

What is the fear in grace? Is it the pride that we may be wrong when we give it? That we will be the ones looking foolish for trusting with our heart and not our heads.

I need so much grace every day. I know how weak I am and would not make it through but not for the grace of God. Grace to get over myself. Grace to love the unlovable. Grace to swallow my pride when I want to shout and scream that I know what I'm doing and you are wrong!

So much grace.

What is holding me back from giving what I have received? That is the question I am asking myself. Why do I find it so hard to forgive those that hurt me when Jesus was tortured and killed for all the ways I've hurt him. And he did so willingly and lovingly.                                                                                          

Without fear.
Without withholding.
He saw the bigger picture.

I pray I can see it too.


STOP. writing for 5 minutes (unedited-ok, very little editing ;) grace, please) on grace with Lisa Jo Baker and the rest of the FMF writing community.




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