Oh my, I've just come off a trying day. I have started new job that has my nerves all in a tizzy. I am a customer service rep for a high end dept store now. Everything about it screams perfect...except the reality of it.
I get to stay home (in my pj's if I want) and work in my home office. I take calls and help people out the best I can with their questions while my kiddies are at school. I get off about the time they are getting off the bus. See? Perfect.
Except, today was my first real day taking calls, and I wasn't expecting to take calls. I'm still in what they are calling a new hire training period. I'm supposed to be doing more training and reading than actual talking on the phone. So, when they said about two hours into my shift you're all set up you need to take calls the rest of your time. I FREAKED OUT on the inside. Are they serious?! They trust me to start taking calls?! For real?!
I can't take calls, I'm not ready! Why can't I just sit here and keep reading?? Reading is safe and not scary. Reading isn't going to get angry and yell when I don't know what in the heck I'm doing.
But, I had to take calls. I logged into the phone software and stared at the take calls button for a good 10 minutes before actually hitting it. I prayed, begged, pleaded, for God to zap me with courage, because I was sweating with fear.
What was I thinking?! This job isn't for me! I've trained, I've passed the tests, but training and passing tests is completely different than real life actual on the job doing it for real.
I want to be fearless, but for the love of all that is good in this world I really thought I might die at my computer desk today. This fearless living is not for me. Why does it have to be so hard??
I want safety and security. Not this. I want to feel comfortable in knowing that whatever I'm going to do I am going to do a good job. Not crash and burn with my first call. (Which I almost did, but thankfully they have an awesome support system for newbies like me that were willing to help me on
Fearless...it's putting me in situations that make me uncomfortable and are stretching me in ways I don't like.
Why do I have to be Fearless anyways? It's just something I thought I would give a go at. Now look what I've gone and done.
I may not like this fearless living, I may actually hate it. But I am excited about what it's preparing me for. I may need these customer service skills one day. I'm just thankful I have the weekend to collect myself before I start again on Monday. My nerves are thanking me anyway.
Now I'm off to take my son trick or treating and eat enough chocolate to put me in a nice little coma.
If you think about it, wanna say a prayer? I could definitely use them!!