Monday, September 23, 2013

Shame Wrapped As Truth

'scary clouds' photo (c) 2006, *BGP* - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/

Ever been in a funk? Like, down and out, leave me alone with my grumpy mood and dark thoughts?

Yeah, me either (sarcasm)

Let me give a hint of what has been weighing me down lately:

Woman across street is judging me isn't she? She's a single mom living with her parents, working full time and going back to school. She thinks I'm lazy  for not working, I know! I can see it in her eyes from all the way across the street.

They think I'm fat don't they?

Why did you buy that at the grocery store. If you wouldn't have you wouldn't have spent so much! 

How could you buy detergent that broke your son out like that?! loser

Why can't you cook better?

The house is always a mess, if you had your crap together and stay on top it like a good house wife  you wouldn't always be cleaning.

Uh oh, company's here and I forgot to clean the guest bath....eek

Maybe if you worked a real job money and marriage wouldn't be so hard, you're so selfish

No one wants to hire you, you aren't qualified to do anything, they can smell failure on you

You may fancy yourself a writer, but girl, you can't write. Better give it up now before you embarass yourself.

Your husband just puts up with you, one day he going to get tired of you and leave your butt.

Oh the list could go on. Yours too?

I've been in this funk since moving to Texas. We live in a nice neighborhood, found a great church, schools are good. Kids are adjusting, but I'm just kinda stuck.

I think depression has been trying to sneak in, well I don't think, it has. And with it all of these condamning thoughts. They attack one after the other.

They say when you're on the verge of something Big that's when the devil attacks the hardest. He wants you to second guess yourself and make you feel incapable, to give up and quit.

Let me tell you friends, he's doing a dang fine job.

I've pretty much wanted to quit everything and just hang out on the couch under my fleece AU blanket and veg.

I dread getting up in the morning because each day is the same as the one before it.


Then, 

light broke through.




























I realized what was happening last week. I'm under attack. Devil must know something I don't.

In my mind the devil is a big gray cloudy figure with a long arm and huge hand towering over me. And with his hand he is using it to hold me down. I keep fighting to lift my head up but he keeps the pressure firm.

And that my friends is what I believe to be a direct attack from the enemy.

I've been reading in my Bible daily and been doing my awesome little devo book by Holley Gerth, Opening the Door to Your God-Sized Dream.

And can I tell you, for those few moments my mind is at peace. I feel like I'm going to be ok. I get my mind filled with truth about whom God says I am:

That I am a conqueror (Romans 8:37)
I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139: 13-14)
I am created for good works that He has planned for me long before I was born (Eph 2:10)
He has good plans for my life, and they are not for me to be ruined.  (Jer 29:11)
He is working all things out for the good of those that love him. (Rom 8:28) 
The gray hand is starting to lose some strength and each day my head is getting higher and higher. 

Truth fighting darkness at it's best.

Now, when a condemning thought pops up, I laugh and recite a verse I know to be the real TRUTH. Oh, you sneaky devil, I'm on to you.

So, for the hundreds of you, or two, reading this now, and have been wondering why I've been so sporadic here, this is why.

I'm slowly crawling up out of the pit PLUS I'm not sleeping as much lately-all good signs! :)

My energy is returning and I am feeling lighter and freer.

I'm ready to send those shaming words back to the pit of hell where they came from-cause I/we are MORE! And that scares the pants off the devil.

How have you been, really?

Romans 8:1 "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ"

Linking with Soli Deo Gloria

19 comments :

  1. Saying prayers for you, love you my friend.

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  2. Alecia, thank you for sharing with such transparency. Honest words like these are always appreciated and bring hope to others who may be in a similar place. Oh that enemy...let's kick him out the door. God's word gives us life!! These words were said on Sunday during a Bible study class and they seemed appropriate to share ---> "Jesus is our hope and also the lifter of our head." So glad to read how He is lifting your head. Much love to you.

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    1. Love those words, "lifter of our head"so true!!! Thank you for sharing that.

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  3. Absolutely, Alecia! No wonder the enemy is angry! He knows how effective you're going to be for the Kingdom in your corner of the world ... and beyond. How much better to have you hip deep in discouragement and immobilized. Thanks for sharing that there's a strong spiritual interweaving in the dailyness of our lives.

    You go, girl!

    ;-}

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    1. Thank you, Linda. His weapons are effective, thanking God His word is more powerful!

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  4. Girl, sometimes it is so hard to crawl out of, all I can do is remind the enemy, "You don't get to win!" We've seen how the story ends, and it's not in his favor;) You are beautiful and amazing. I am so grateful to have you in my life!

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    1. Oh, thank you sweet Mandy! No it doesn't end in his favor, but he tries so hard to make life a living hell while he can. We WILL be victorious!!

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  5. Very vulnerable post! Oh, those lies we hear in our heads...I have had a few of those lately and yes, God's word is the best offensive! Amen!

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    1. Thank you Dionne, it's one of those that I look back and think this is embarrassing and funny at the same time. The devil gets us when we are vulnerable and tries to separate us, but we can't let him do that. Because if we do, the dark will just take over. We need our sisters when things seem bleak.

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  6. oh so sorry, I hate when I get into this funk, this ATTACK, Satan would like nothing better than to shut you down. You have soooooooo much to offer.

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    1. Thank you sweet Marlece. So glad I'm finally being able to lift my head and see cracks of light. It's the best feeling!

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  7. Alecia,
    I can relate to the "funk" and also, thankfully, to how God's truth changes my thoughts and feelings...glad the Light is shining brightly...keep writing truth :)

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    1. The "funk"affects so many of us doesn't it? So thankful for God's truth as well.

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  8. Hi Alecia,

    Those condemning notes that we can grab onto, either thinking others are saying them or penning them ourselves easily enough. Yes, we all do it. Finding scripture to combat it is the answer, I agree. You can do it! God has made you unique and special, and he is using you in wonderful ways, I'm sure!

    Re your comment on my post "To All of Us With Rings," marriage IS hard many days, I agree. So worth it, but yes, hard work. Thanks for your honesty. I don't think enough people are brave enough to say that.

    "Laying down of ourselves" -- yes, that's it, isn't it? The hardest part, and yet the key to so much joy longterm.

    In the adventure alongside you, so thankful for our Big God,

    Jennifer Dougan
    www.jenniferdougan.com

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    1. Hey Jennifer! Thank you for the kind words. So thankful to have you walking the journey with me! God Bless, Friend!

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  9. Girl, I am praying for protection for you -- every day that you would put on the armor of God so that the enemy would have no hold on you.

    And Texas? Where in Texas?????

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    1. Thanks Jen-praying the armor of God as well, it's very good protection! Maybe one day we will get to meet inrl!

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  10. Wow! Just wow! Wish I had read this when you posted it. Thank you for being so honest and hope you have been able to keep the funk(devil) away.

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