Ever been in a funk? Like, down and out, leave me alone with my grumpy mood and dark thoughts?
Yeah, me either (sarcasm)
Let me give a hint of what has been weighing me down lately:
Woman across street is judging me isn't she? She's a single mom living with her parents, working full time and going back to school. She thinks I'm lazy for not working, I know! I can see it in her eyes from all the way across the street.
They think I'm fat don't they?
Why did you buy that at the grocery store. If you wouldn't have you wouldn't have spent so much!
How could you buy detergent that broke your son out like that?! loser
Why can't you cook better?
The house is always a mess, if you had your crap together and stay on top it like a good house wife you wouldn't always be cleaning.
Uh oh, company's here and I forgot to clean the guest bath....eek
Maybe if you worked a real job money and marriage wouldn't be so hard, you're so selfish
No one wants to hire you, you aren't qualified to do anything, they can smell failure on you
You may fancy yourself a writer, but girl, you can't write. Better give it up now before you embarass yourself.
Your husband just puts up with you, one day he going to get tired of you and leave your butt.
Oh the list could go on. Yours too?
I've been in this funk since moving to Texas. We live in a nice neighborhood, found a great church, schools are good. Kids are adjusting, but I'm just kinda stuck.
I think depression has been trying to sneak in, well I don't think, it has. And with it all of these condamning thoughts. They attack one after the other.
They say when you're on the verge of something Big that's when the devil attacks the hardest. He wants you to second guess yourself and make you feel incapable, to give up and quit.
Let me tell you friends, he's doing a dang fine job.
I've pretty much wanted to quit everything and just hang out on the couch under my fleece AU blanket and veg.
I dread getting up in the morning because each day is the same as the one before it.
light broke through.
In my mind the devil is a big gray cloudy figure with a long arm and huge hand towering over me. And with his hand he is using it to hold me down. I keep fighting to lift my head up but he keeps the pressure firm.
And that my friends is what I believe to be a direct attack from the enemy.
I've been reading in my Bible daily and been doing my awesome little devo book by Holley Gerth, Opening the Door to Your God-Sized Dream.
And can I tell you, for those few moments my mind is at peace. I feel like I'm going to be ok. I get my mind filled with truth about whom God says I am:
That I am a conqueror (Romans 8:37)
I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139: 13-14)
I am created for good works that He has planned for me long before I was born (Eph 2:10)
He has good plans for my life, and they are not for me to be ruined. (Jer 29:11)
He is working all things out for the good of those that love him. (Rom 8:28)
The gray hand is starting to lose some strength and each day my head is getting higher and higher.
Truth fighting darkness at it's best.
Now, when a condemning thought pops up, I laugh and recite a verse I know to be the real TRUTH. Oh, you sneaky devil, I'm on to you.
So, for the hundreds of you, or two, reading this now, and have been wondering why I've been so sporadic here, this is why.
I'm slowly crawling up out of the pit PLUS I'm not sleeping as much lately-all good signs! :)
My energy is returning and I am feeling lighter and freer.
I'm ready to send those shaming words back to the pit of hell where they came from-cause I/we are MORE! And that scares the pants off the devil.
How have you been, really?
Romans 8:1 "There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ"
Linking with Soli Deo Gloria