Tuesday, April 17, 2012

The Talk, Lord Help Me




Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful!"


Well, I did it. I didn't want to, everything in me wanted to ignore the obvious, put my head in the sand and pretend it's not really happening...my daughter is growing up. And it was time to have "The Talk." oh, shoot me now!

I honestly think I have been dreading this day from the moment she was born.  I knew it would be an uncomfortable but necessary talk, I just didn't want to have to do it.  I was scared. The birds and the bees, staying pure till marriage, modesty. How much should I share? How much is too much? What if she asked questions that I wasn't ready to answer, What if she asked questions about me? I took all of this to God before I got started, this 'talk' wasn't going to go well if I didn't.

So, with lots of praying under my belt and clammy hands and a shaky voice, I began. Once she saw the direction  I was going in, she wanted to run too, and she did!! :)

I coaxed her back and we started over. Lord, was I just as nervous as her!!

I started with the fact that she would be starting her period soon and with that lots of changes would be coming.  I had to reinforce the fact that this entry into womanhood is to be celebrated. I had to do my own attitude check on the matter. I know she hears me moan and groan and that probably inadvertently made her fear what was coming, so I had to do some backpedaling.

Then, I moved into how babies really come into this world. {If I could have stopped and taken a picture, I would have, it was priceless the look on her face}. And staying pure until marriage and the consequences of not doing so.

I want her to stay true to her God-given self and not spend her whole life conforming to what she thinks others want her to be. The need to conform is so great and the battle for our girls is strong. The world  cheapens sex and makes it out like it's no big deal but it doesn't show them the damage it does to their hearts when it's done outside the safe confines of marriage.

I ended with touching on modesty. More and more girls her age are wearing really revealing clothing, and I felt it was important to stress that our bodies are precious and should not be used to get attention with in that kind of way. That's not the kind of attention I want for her.

There is a mountain of resources online. Such sites like Focus On The Family, and my personal favorite Secret Keeper Girl, I even read "Six Ways to Keep The Little In Your Girl" by Dannah Gresh, who also runs Secret Keeper Girl website. She is devoted to helping moms connect with their tween to instill the importance of modesty and purity in them at a young age. I LOVED this book!! It helped so much in making the conversation with Keeli go more smoothly.

A positive that came out that I wasn't expecting was my reasons for banning certain TV shows,songs, and clothes became more clear to her now{now that the word 'sex' isn't taboo}. I think she was getting rebellious in these areas mainly because she didn't understand why.  She thought I was just being an 'uncool' mom. She may still not fully understand how much the media affects her, but she knows now that it does. And thankfully, for now anyways, my opinion matters more.

I realized before and especially after our talk that this was going to be a rolling conversation that we were going to have to keep talking and being open with each other about. I don't want her to ever stop talking to me about things she hears, questions she has or situations her friends are in.

I pray that God will give me wisdom and the heart to listen to what my girl needs from me.

In the last couple of days I've seen an attitude shift. Almost as if a wall has been brought down. She isn't as moody, and she has been opening up more about her friends and things she is hearing at school. PTL!

Now I wish I would have done it sooner, she's 11, but already TV has been bombarding her with the words "sexy" or boyfriend- girlfriend kissy scenes, and these are on kid friendly stations, and lets not even get into Pop songs {Lady Gaga or Katy Perry anyone?}. The world stacks the cards against you fast, and my eyes are being opened to how ready I had better be for battle.

I could probably go on and on, there is so much to talk about when you are talking about purity and the battle for our girls hearts and attention.
I am praying my way through this stage and preparing for the teen years that are right around the corner. If you have any advice I'd love to hear it, I could use all I can get!!

This parenting thing is tough!


Linking up today with::  Deep Root at Home,Raising Homemakers,Women Living Well,Winsome Wed,Far Above Rubies,Time Warp Wife,A Pause On The Path,Rising With The Son,God Bumps and God Incidences,Word Filled Wed,We Are That Family, Imperfect Prose,Beautiful Thursdays,Thought Provoking Thursday,RaisingMightyArrows, Hearts 4 Homes Thursdays,Faith Filled Fridays,Heart Prints Hallelujah, Weekend Whatever

34 comments :

  1. May God bless you through this new life journey.

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  2. I recommend the 'Power of a Praying Parent' by Stormie O'Martian.

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    1. I actually have that book, and depending on what's going on pray the different prayers over both of my kids. That's a great book isn't it?

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  3. I'm going to have to check the website out. Thank you! I have a ten and an eight yr-old. It seems as though I will be having the talk sooner then I had hoped.

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  4. Yes! check it out. It had so many good and useful things on there. Unfortunately your probably right, I kept waiting bc I didn't think she was ready, but I realized it was ME that wasn't ready!

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  5. Oh I had to laugh! When my daughter was 5, my nephew and his very pregnant wife came to visit. Mia watched her closely. Then she came into the kitchen and said, "I want to know how that baby got in there and how it's going to get out!" And so began our talks over the years. She was never shy and her open curiosity helped me get over my own discomfort. It became an easy topic, at least until she hit her teen years! Then it was "Oh Mom, not that again!"

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  6. Galen, I'm sure it's a conversation that neither of us will ever forget!! I think I've always been pretty honest with her about things, but this topic is one I've always avoided like the plague.My own uneasiness about it made it harder. I can see Keeli saying "Oh Mom, not that again!" too :)

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  7. Ok I had to laugh as well! This brought so many memories of "The Talk" with my daughters!!! ( and yes mine ran to) Thank you for sharing and I can't help but to giggle when I think of when my daughters will have to have the "talk"!!

    God bless!!!

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    1. :) I know, right? What goes around comes around!

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  8. What a precious post. This will make you laugh: I had the sex talk with my son when he was 7 or 8, but I didn't tell him the truth about Santa until he was almost 11! I know: totally whack, but I guess we have to have the hard conversations when it feels right in our mommy hearts to have them, and every child is different. God bless you, Sister.

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    1. My poor girl was hit with Santa, and the sex talk all in one year. She's growing up and I'm not so sure it's as exciting as she thought it would be :) I'm leaving the talk with my son up to my hubby, one was enough!
      God Bless you too

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  9. Hi Alecia - that talk is fun isn't it :) And I agree with Wendy. I find it interesting how much more I'm praying now as a mom of a 16 and 19 yr old. Oi vey, isn't it supposed to get easier :)
    Great post, God bless, and thank you for linking it up. So looking forward to your next post.
    Tracy

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    1. Thanks Tracy, Power of a Praying Parent was money well spent and I recommend it for anyone that has kids. Those pages are already worn torn, bent, and stained and my kids haven't even hit the teen years yet! ~sigh~

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  10. Hey Alecia! Thanks for stopping by my blogs today, and for your encouraging words. I love the verse you used here. What a wonderful message, thankfully my girls are still 4, but it's never too early to start getting prepared!

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    1. Thanks for stopping over Heather! Your right it's never too early to start planting little seeds of godliness in them. I wish I would have started earlier with this one, maybe it would have been less painful :)

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  11. oh friend i love that you had this heart-to-heart with your daughter. my mother never had it with me, and how i've always wished she had. you are a good mama. (mine was too, just in different ways :))

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    1. Thank you Emily! It was one of the hardest 'talks' we've had, I'm sure there will be plenty more in the future though.
      Your sweet! I appreciate your kind words

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  12. Aw, sheesh. I just typed a super long response to you and I don't know what happened to it! :-(

    I have 3 girls, the youngest is 6 and the oldest is 18. The 18 year old doesn't have a mouth filter, so I have always had to keep the lines of communication regarding sex and body open. It's actually worked for us, because it's made it so much less uncomfortable. I also got the American Girl book for one of my daughters and all 3 read it.

    You're a great mom for broaching such an uncomfortable subject!

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  13. good for you...we need to have these talks...and they are learning so much earlier...we have already started talks with my 3rd grader because of what he learned at school from other students...we have def had to tread carefully but i am glad he is bringing these questions to us and is not scared to talk about it...

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    1. We are finding ourselves counteracting what they hear at school a lot! For us some reason it's on the bus that they find out all of this 'new' information. Good for your boy that he is coming to you, he feels comfortable and safe doing so, that's AWESOME!

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  14. Oh Alecia, I am right there with you! We are in the midst of this right now in our own home with our oldest daughter. Actually, we had a talk a while back, but I wish now that I would have kept the conversation going in some way. All of a sudden, she's freaked out and blushing and doesn't want to talk about it! GAH!

    I am going to check out the Secret Keeper Girl site. I popped over there a second ago, on your recommendation, and it looks like some good stuff.

    Really grateful for this post today. This is a total God-Thing!

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    1. I'm sure as you keep trying she will open up more, it's such a hard age for them. I would never want to be their age again!!
      So glad you found Secret Keeper Girl useful, I know it helped me out a lot!! Their books and devos are really good as well.

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  15. Amen! God bless you for guiding your daughter in God's plan for her life. Thanks so much for visiting and commenting on Saved by Grace! Your blog is a blessing and I am now following it, and I invite you to follow Saved by Grace also:
    http://savedbygracebiblestudy.blogspot.com/
    Love in Him,
    Laurie Collett

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    1. Thanks Lori, I will stop back over.

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  16. I am sort of glad I don't have girls but truthfully, I have similar issues with my boys. Talks like these are tough, but kudos to you for doing it!

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    1. Thanks Deanna! I'm sure it is just as tough to talk with boys as it is girls. But so important to have them regardless.

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  17. My daughter read "The Care and Keeping of You", a book by American Girl that is a great introduction to talking about this. And then we had one of those chats on her bed and we both felt a bit awkward. She is sixteen now and my the things she hears at school!Thankfully she follows her heart that love Jesus for understanding.

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    1. I've never heard of that book, I'll have to look into it, thanks for sharing that with me. I can only imagine what she is hearing at 16!! I dread it.

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  18. best wishes on your own chaperoning...smiles...

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  19. This post made me smile.. thinking back to when I told my first and my second daughter. The reactions from both were totally different, but you are right! So many walls come down, and we are able to talk freely and openly about God's beautiful design. There are so many powerful influences in the world, yet we as parents remain the greatest. You are a good mama to be a good steward of that godly influence over your children's lives.

    Blessings to you...

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  20. Alecia, For some reason I randomly clicked on your linkup today, and I know why - I am a huge fan of Dannah Gresh. I disciple/mentor high school girls, and as a young mother to boys, I often find myself without the right words for their hearts. Gresh is great, all of her books (and I read everyone that is for high school girls, check out my blog for more info if you're curious) are wonderful. I've been to her events with my high schoolers - can't say enough about how much that helps. Also, that is so great that you are having these "talks" with your daughter, so many parents wait or don't at all. Like most of my girls, their parents just don't want them to grow up or ignore the fact that the world will teach them if parents don't. So way to go for being a proactive mom who wants to keep the lines of communication open with her daughter. Thank you!

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  21. Thanks for clicking over Marissa, I will definitely click over to your blog. I want to get my hands on everything I can get, just to be more wise in this area and to heed the advice of women gone before me. I hope one day I can take my own girl to one of her events, i think it would great to get to hear her in person. I don't want my little girl to grow up, but I also don't want her to be ignorant and get taken advantage of. Thanks!!

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  22. Loved this! My girl is 7, and it's crazy how YOUNG they are bombarded with stuff today! I can tell the "talk" will come sooner than I thought it would (in the next two years....why not 5 or 6???). Thanks for linking up with me today!!!

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