Thursday, February 16, 2012

Willing To Bare It All


        

  I've struggled with my purpose in life for as long as I can remember.  What did God create me for, would swirl around in my head and keep me up at night.  After I had kids I thought well, this is it, this is what He made me to do. He created me to be 'mom' to Keeli and Jackson.  But still that nagging thought in the back of my head never wavered. There has to be more, right?  I love being mom and wife and have prayed hard for contentment for what I've taken as my lot in life. But, what about me? God created each of us for a purpose, a reason. 

Who am I outside of my family?

Remember that old Reba McEntire song "Is There Life Out There?" The song is about a woman that married young {like myself}, raises her kids, and is wondering now what? 
Is there life out there
So much she hasn't done
Is there life beyond
Her family and her home
She's done what she should
Should she do what she dares
She doesn't want to leave
She's just wonderin
Is there life out there
                                                 you can see the video here if you'd like.

 I could get a job, but would it be something I'm passionate about, or just a paycheck?  I want to work and live with a God-given purpose. Doing something that I love and making a difference in someone else's life. Then, God put writing on my heart about a year ago.  At the time I didn't know much about blogging or blogs much less how to write one! 

But, I did it. I set one up. But only it was a sewing blog, ClaraElla {named after my grandmothers} I love to sew and would love to make a living doing it someday-somehow.  Making money off of it was the part I wasn't sure about-still not.  So naturally I assumed the blog would be all things sewing, but I think God had something a little different in mind, he's funny like that! ya know?

 I told no one about ClaraElla {and it's now set to private, maybe one day it won't be}. The idea of someone reading something that I wrote was/is terrifying. I didn't want to put myself out there, I'm a pretty private and sometimes quiet person, so writing a public blog was way WAY out of my comfort zone.

My posts weren't about sewing like I thought they'd be they became personal.  I couldn't have a sewing blog if I were only writing personal insights. But that seemed to be what would come to mind when I would sit down to write.

It was too uncomfortable to think that people I knew would read my personal thoughts, so I shelved the blogging idea.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward a year later with not one but 2 blogs! God placed it on my heart again. I had been praying for Him to show me what He wanted me to do and blogging kept coming back to mind. Maybe this time He knew the idea would stick since I had just moved 800 miles from everyone I knew and loved and would need some kind of outlet and a way to spend my days with the kids in school.

ThereSomethingDifferent was born. Though that wasn't it's first name it had several before it, I just couldn't decide on what best defined me and what I wanted it to say about me.
I started reading other blogs and never realized how many of them there were! How is is that I had never heard of these before?!  I was starting to feel like a little fish in a BIG pond.  But I was inspired by what I read and knew God gave me a voice and refused to give into my fears. I have to give these fears to God daily.

I depend heavily on the verse found in Hebrews 10:35-36::

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised."

Doubts threaten to take over if I let them and some days they are just too strong, and I let them silence me before I shake them off.  Things like "Can I , will I make a difference? "Will people be able to relate?" "Can I write clearly enough and interestingly enough for people to be interested in what I have to say?"

I don't know. But if I focus on these too much I won't be doing the will of God for my life.

I have to turn to the only One whose opinion matters.

When I write I feel like I do have a purpose and it doesn't matter if one or many read, as long as just one is encouraged, that's OK. While I love comments and people viewing and  joining the page
I can't focus on these things either. That would take me to a place of seeking human approval. It would lead me to a place of darkness if these things didn't happen or continue.

And I've personally read so many things online that I've never commented on- but have still been deeply touched by the writers words but just didn't comment. And it's my prayer that it's the same for others too, even those that do so quietly.

I have to Trust in Him and His plans for my life {Jer 29:11}

It's my goal for this blog to encourage and relate to those who stumble onto here. That the things that I worry about or have gone through, that someone will be able to sit back and say "Oh yeah, I get that! I've been through that before."

Doubts will come and go but I have to be vulnerable enough to allow myself to go to that place of baring it all for the words to flow. They are God inspired and life from my viewpoint. My words matter and can make a difference and so do yours!

I choose to believe what God says I can do and learning to make His voice the One I listen too above all others is what I strive for. His validation is what I seek.


       In Faith,
                                      Won't you join us at Bonnie's
                                                  where we  are talking about being 'vulnerable'?

6 comments :

  1. The verse you quoted Hebrews 10:35-36:
    "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." is one I should have used on my post today. It is good to keep our boldness and confidence and speak out even when it hurts at times. Tell your stories - - apply a Godly truth to it and keep writing.

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  2. It's a great verse isn't it? :) Any time I feel myself starting to go down that road of insecurity I pull that verse out and I feel strengthened. Thank you for your kind words!

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  3. A wonderfully, vulnerable post, Alecia. Love it. I am about to go through a life change and I wonder what God has next for me. I've been a homeschool mom for 18 years, and now my youngest is about to graduate and go to college.

    I know I would like to write more (and I adore blogging!), but I'll wait and see if God leads me down any particular paths between now and then. I want to seek only his validation too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, after writing I was afraid it was a little too vulnerable. My heart has always been with staying home with my kids, and being available for them, I'm feeling more and more that's it's also time for something else, balancing it all is what I most fear I won't be able to do.
      Thanks for stopping over, I'm so glad you were able to relate to what I was saying. Good luck on your journey wherever that my lead!
      God Bless!

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  4. As I read your blog, it felt like I was reading about myself. Although I knew and still know that being a stay-at-home-mom was best for my family, I sometimes suffered from depression and loneliness. Now that I am in the "empty nest category" and I am gainfully employed as a teacher for my second career -Stay At Home Mom being the first career-I wonder how in the world do these young teachers with families make it through the day and evening. They go from a busy day of teaching to preparing meals, tutoring their own children, running to after school activities, and oh yes, there are mounds of papers to grade. I don't think I could have balanced both successfully.

    God gives us a purpose in life and to each a special gift. We just have to pray, be still, and it will come, as you have discovered through your blog writing. You are doing a great job by the way. God's purpose for me was to raise my family, then minister to secondary students with learning disabilities and behavior issues. God is good. Even my ADHD has been a gift because I am able to help my students with ADHD and learning disabilities in a way that other teachers can't.

    You do know how much I too, love reading cookbooks. Your dad use to ask me "When are you going to stop reading those cookbooks and start using them?" Of course that was after I started back to work. I cooked two meals a day when I stayed home. I also have the desire to write a book one day, maybe when I retire. I want to write about your grandmother's life in fiction form. It is started in my head, but right now I cannot sit still long enough to get it down on paper. Your sister has already beaten us to the punch with the book writing. She published her first book in the second grade. I know, I know it was elementary school, but she won an award.

    Sorry kid-do, but it looks like you are your mother's daughter. I hope that is ok with you because it is A OK with me. Your dad and I are so very proud of all of you. You, your brother and sister have turned out to be wonderful Christian adults and parents. I guess we did something right.

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    Replies
    1. Yes you did do something very right, and we are very thankful to both of you, and love you very much!

      I've never thought I could balance it all, be a good mom and a good employer to someone. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and wonder somedays if I'll make it through the day in one piece! But I love them and wouldn't have it any other way.

      I'm starting to believe that God does really put special dreams into each one us of and its up to us to obediently seek Him in on what that is and follow His leading;while trying NOT to jump ahead and help Him out when we feel like He's moving too slow for us. {which I tend to do}

      Maybe one day we will both write a book and win an award like Laura :) Who knows what the future holds.

      Granny's life in fiction would be one heck of a read I hope one day you are able to get it done!!

      I love you!

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